


El Penis

by Ceileice



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Gon said something nasty in another language, Hisoka is not here sorry :(, I Don't Even Know, WTF, king of the cocks, wait why does a 12 year old want a dig bick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-18
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-26 21:48:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5021734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceileice/pseuds/Ceileice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Killua buys penis enlargement pills</p>
            </blockquote>





	El Penis

"...And there it is!"

Killua was on the computer browsing through his Amazon.com account (which was on Gon's 'credit card'). With a triumphant smile and his usual cocky attitude, he moved the cursor on his laptop screen toward an image of a bottle of pills.

 _Yup. It looks legit enough_ , he thought to himself.

The reviews proved to be legitimate, too. There were many evaluations from accounts clearly not created by the company. Heck, there were even a few negative reviews. Killua knew it had to be legit. There were before and after images left by a majority of the users!

_It's legit._

Killua snickered. Then, he added the item to his cart. Taking a minute to go over the items in his cart, Killua recited.

"Sour Patch Kids... Life Savers... Starburst.... Smarties... Candy corn... Candy bracelets... Candy thongs..."

With a smirk, he continued to mouth the name of the last item in his cart.

"....MaxGentleman Enlargement Pills."

Killua proceeded to check out once confirming everything, and then sat back in his comfy rotating chair. Taking a lollipop from his candy jar, he awaited his friend, Gon, to return from his strange little 'bug examining' activity.

"Just you wait, wild, vicious world of Hunters. Soon I am going to be the king. The TRUE king."

Killua broke into a villainous laughter as the camera slowly panned from his view.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey, Killua!" a chipper voice called.

Killua knew it could only belong to his friend - Gon Freecss - and my god was that boy covered in dirt.

"So, did you ever find the gay rainbow beetle?" the albino-haired boy, now pretending to smoke a candy cigarette, asked.

Gon shook his head. "No, but I did find more clues as to where it could be now."

He pulled out a large, green notebook containing drawings of hideous insects. But it also contained factual information on the spiky-haired kid's new creature of interest - the legendary Gay Rainbow Beetle.

Killua pretended to care as he stared at Gon's shitty handwriting and poor noting skills. He also pretended to nod of approval.

"I'm sure you'll find it.... Some day." Killua's eyes diverted from the note book to his candy jar. "Now go take a shower. You're filthy."

"Un!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killua's package arrived the next day at twelve o'clock in the afternoon sharp. The albino bastard was so happy, so excited. He could not wait to stuff his ass with more candy. And possibly wear the thongs, too.

But most importantly, he wanted to get his hands on the LEGIT enlargement pills.

Gon said, "ブラックペニス" but Killua had no idea what it meant.

"Gon, this is what all true warriors strive for." Killua responded. He dug through the cardboard box and held up the bottle of pills.

"I can't read that one word." Gon admitted.

"Pffft, who cares. You'll see, you'll see." Killua then began to unwrap the plastic off of the bottle as he headed into the kitchen to make something for lunch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killua was never good at swallowing pills. Never.

Wait, wait then how could he expect to swallo-

"This is the best decision I've ever made in my life." Killua announced as he kissed the now empty bottle of dick enlargement pills.

Inside his cup of orange juice was all the little pills, and half of the glass had already been devoured. Even though Killua nearly choked thrice, he was ready for more. But first he needed another bite of his pizza rolls.

"I am going to be the king." He wiped his face off, then proceeded to down the rest of the penis pill-infested orange juice.

"Hi, Killua! Guess what?" an excited Gon exclaimed as he ran in with a glass jar in his hands.

Killua briefly replied, "I don't care."

Gon frowned.

"What's that, then?"

"Huh?"

Killua looked down at his plate to see another pill... One that must have slipped out of his cup of orange juice in between his last choking session. He gagged.

"Gon, since I'm a nice person I will leave it to you." He nodded and stared intensely at his spiky-haired friend's completely bumfuzzled face. All the while, Gon just wanted to show Killua that he really did find the legendary gay rainbow beetle.

"Uh, Killua-"

"Just TAKE IT. You won't regret it."

In truth, Killua just didn't want to choke on another fucking pill, god he choked seven times already and he was sick of it.

Gon slowly nodded and took the pill into his own hand.

"Is this for when I'm sick?"

Killua shook his head. "No, Gon. This... This pill.... It's for all occasions."

"What?! Really?!"

"Yes," Killua continued, "In the bedroom, out the bedroom, at the beach, you get the point."

"But why would you go to the beach if you're coughing up mucus?" Gon was confused.

"Gon, shut the fuck up and take the pill already." Killua was becoming impatient.

Gon shrugged and began walking along again. He was going to show his other friends his new achievement, his new friend, his gay beetle. He accidentally dropped the dick enlargement pill in the process and stepped on it without realizing. He was too excited to notice or care anyway.

Then Killua, with the most wide cat-grin ever, began to happily shake his fist.

"I'm gonna have the biggest dick. Yes, that's right. The BIGGEST DICK."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killua waited a few hours. He took the entire bottle, so it should work soon, right?

And then, yes, it did work. It did work.

"What the FUCK!" Killua screamed.

He could feel his stomach bubbling all of a sudden. It was not a good sensation. Not an erection. No pene. Killua knew what it meant.

But it was too late. Killua began to fart. He continued to fart.

He couldn't stop farting.

Goddamn did it stink.

"BUT THEY SEEMED LEGIT! I SAW THE BEFORE AND AFTER PICS!" Killua yelled to nobody in particular as he angrily shook his fist.

"Killua, are you okay...?" asked Gon, who peeked in the room.

He definitely regretted it.

"WHAT THE FUCK KILLUA. NO MORE FUCKInG PIZZA ROLLS FOR YOU!" Gon was covering his nose.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP MY ASS IS STARTING TO HURT!" Killua screamed back.

"I THINK MY BEETLE IS DYING FROM THIS SMELL."

"I DON'T FUCKING CARE!"

Gon quickly dashed out. He could not take that. Nope, he wasn't taking anymore of Killua's gassy ass. Nope.

"My precious gay beetle, I'm glad that you were able to withstand the smell."

"I CAN STILL HEAR YOU!" Killua screamed even though he was five rooms away.

Killua was mentally crying. He thought the pills were genuine. Legit. But no... They were fake.

~~~~~~~~

"King of the dicks? More like king of the FARTS."

Leorio was laughing his ass off at Killua's story.

Kurapika was chuckling as well. He couldn't help it. "Killua, I thought you were smarter than that?"

Killua groaned.

"All of those 'special' little pills are phonies."

Killua groaned again.

"Is he still farting?"

It was Gon asking. He had been hiding under the covers of his bed, shielding his new gay beetle friend for the entire night from his smelly friend's farts.

"Shut the fuck up, Gon." Killua cut in before anyone could answer. He was so pissed. And his ass hurt. God, did his ass hurt.

The farting also ripped a hole in his favorite shorts. He had to throw them away.

"Oh well at least Killua's not wearing those stupid booty shorts anymore haha." Kurapika commented.

Leorio and Gon agreed. "I know right? Now we'll never see them again."

Killua crossed his arms. "Fuck you all. I liked those shorts."

Gon was still laughing until he realized he had no more money on his credit card.

"Wait... WHAT..."

...

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> MaxGentleman is a real thing. I highly doubt they actually enlarge your cawk, though, and I highly advise you to avoid purchasing/using them. Stupid Killua.


End file.
